January 2014

Resolutions for Life

As we near the end of this first month of 2014, what better topic to blog about than New Year resolutions? January is traditionally a time of promises and good intentions. Many of us make resolutions to improve ourselves in some way. Get fit, get active, lose weight, do more of this and less of that.

Do you have something you want to achieve in 2014? Perhaps the best place to start is with a gentle mind-set. Attitude is everything, or so the saying goes. Positivity breeds positivity, negativity breeds negativity. People who struggle with anxiety and depression typically have a way of thinking about things which “feeds” that anxious or depressive thought. If your internal voice tends to be negative, full of self-reproach and put downs, or full of “worst case scenario what ifs,” you most likely are not going to feel very good about yourself, which impacts choices, behaviors, and progress towards one’s goals.

Please note, I am not suggesting that clinical depression and anxiety are simply issues of mind over matter. [Anxiety and depression have chemically based origins which are often very well treated through a combination of medication and psychotherapy.] What I am suggesting is that all of us can use cognitive tools and positive strategies to meet goals we set for ourselves, and to live a more balanced and emotionally healthy life overall.

How so, you ask? My number one rule is, “Be kind to yourself.” Don’t talk to yourself in a way you would never talk to anyone else. Do you have a younger sibling or a child or a dear friend? Ask yourself if you would ever speak to them the way you speak to yourself. If the answer is “no,” then that is a place to start. Be your own cheerleader, not your worst critic. We can hold ourselves accountable for our choices and behaviors without being abrasive and harsh. Embrace your imperfections. They make us human.

I will leave you with a few of my favorite quotes. Interpret and apply them as you see fit, and from all of us at Charis, may you have a happy and blessed New Year.

Jennifer Starkey, MA, LMFT

Jen’s personal favorites:

“If you always do, what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten.” - (source unknown)

“Promise me you will always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” -Christopher Robin to Pooh

“What if the opposite of good wasn’t bad? What if the opposite of good was real?”

--from Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses, by Claire Dederer