Seasons of Life

Life has its seasons just as nature so wonderfully displays for us to enjoy and learn from. Considering the harsh winter that is still fresh in our bones, as well as our minds is a real reminder of our recent winter experience. I have noticed a variety of responses to the long winter that vary from “finally, it’s over”, “I want to move to a warmer climate”, “I miss the sun”, “I hate it here because of the cold winters” and “I wish it stayed winter all year---I love snowmobiling”.   Seasons will change as our lives shift and change with a new job, a child, a new relationship or trying to lose the few extra winter pounds from lack of exercising as much.

Some people thrive with change and see the adventure in it, while others despise any small or significant change to their routine or their life in general. I believe we are defined as to how we deal with change in our lives. ‘Stress’ and change go together like peanut butter and jelly. All significant changes, good or bad, cause tension (stress). Significant stressors that rate very high on ‘stress scales’ are moving, death of family/friend, job change, relationship change (marriage, divorce), or having a baby.  Even positive stress is still stress and can impact you considerably. It is important to note that change can take over a year for us to work through any of the life changes stated above. So if you find that you continue to struggle with these adjustments you may consider talking to someone about it.

Some of the best ways to deal with change (even thrive) you may consider:

Ø  Asking a friend to talk to and share with---during a walk or for coffee/tea.

Ø  Exercise 3 or more times/week, even walking for 20 minutes can have a significant impact.

Ø  Get good sleep and use good sleep habits

Ø  Find a hobby that may interest you

Ø  Eat healthy versus junk food

Ø  Explore different aspects of the area—parks, lakes/rivers, farmer’s market, etc.

David Sliefert, MA, LPC

Partner/Owner

New Endings

New Endings




This picture hangs in our waiting room at Charis Counseling.
It reads, "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, 
               but anyone can start today and make a new ending."


Spring is a time for new life. The birds are singing again. The grass is green, the buds are on the trees and the flowers are showing signs of life.

This winter was a rough one for those of us in Central Wisconsin. It was long, cold, and seemed like it would never end. Sometimes seasons of our life feel like a winter, but there are times for new endings. It doesn't always have to be winter. Letting go of the past and having renewed hope for a new season, new opportunities, and new life can happen for us at any time. It begins with acceptance of the winter which then leads to choices for a new season, courage for change, and hope for a life filled with joy and a new ending to our story.

Maybe Charis Counseling can help you get started on that journey.

Rick Jass, MA, LPC
Professional Counselor/Life Coach

January 2014

Resolutions for Life

As we near the end of this first month of 2014, what better topic to blog about than New Year resolutions? January is traditionally a time of promises and good intentions. Many of us make resolutions to improve ourselves in some way. Get fit, get active, lose weight, do more of this and less of that.

Do you have something you want to achieve in 2014? Perhaps the best place to start is with a gentle mind-set. Attitude is everything, or so the saying goes. Positivity breeds positivity, negativity breeds negativity. People who struggle with anxiety and depression typically have a way of thinking about things which “feeds” that anxious or depressive thought. If your internal voice tends to be negative, full of self-reproach and put downs, or full of “worst case scenario what ifs,” you most likely are not going to feel very good about yourself, which impacts choices, behaviors, and progress towards one’s goals.

Please note, I am not suggesting that clinical depression and anxiety are simply issues of mind over matter. [Anxiety and depression have chemically based origins which are often very well treated through a combination of medication and psychotherapy.] What I am suggesting is that all of us can use cognitive tools and positive strategies to meet goals we set for ourselves, and to live a more balanced and emotionally healthy life overall.

How so, you ask? My number one rule is, “Be kind to yourself.” Don’t talk to yourself in a way you would never talk to anyone else. Do you have a younger sibling or a child or a dear friend? Ask yourself if you would ever speak to them the way you speak to yourself. If the answer is “no,” then that is a place to start. Be your own cheerleader, not your worst critic. We can hold ourselves accountable for our choices and behaviors without being abrasive and harsh. Embrace your imperfections. They make us human.

I will leave you with a few of my favorite quotes. Interpret and apply them as you see fit, and from all of us at Charis, may you have a happy and blessed New Year.

Jennifer Starkey, MA, LMFT

Jen’s personal favorites:

“If you always do, what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten.” - (source unknown)

“Promise me you will always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” -Christopher Robin to Pooh

“What if the opposite of good wasn’t bad? What if the opposite of good was real?”

--from Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses, by Claire Dederer    

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from all of us at Charis Counseling.

In Everything Give Thanks

In Everything Give Thanks

I recall taking on the challenge to write down on a few pieces of paper the things for which I am thankful. My initial thought was that this wouldn't be that difficult or take long. I try to be a thankful person (I thought) so I confidently started to write down the usual things like—thanks for my family, friends and my faith that gives me hope and passion in life. After a pause I continued thanking for our comfortable home, a car that runs well (even though 14 yrs old), food in our cupboards, our health, and our golden doodle (mix of golden retriever and poodle) that wiggles his entire body and seeks me out with such excitement each time I arrive home. 

Then after adding a few more thoughts, thank you for the beauty of the trees, the fabulous artistry of the colorful fall leaves falling and blowing around and the unique glow of a fall sunset. Then I hit the wall as if I had just ran out of things to be thankful for. While part of me felt good, even content with my list thus far I wasn't the least bit satisfied with my accomplishment. I was a bit stunned at my loss of thought. I took a break and walked away from this assignment to clear my head while constantly thinking about “what I am truly thankful for.” 

I had done this before, over ten years ago and I couldn't seem to think, so I went outside and walked around with our dog Tanner who seems to be so curious about everything around him (ie. a blowing leaf, different animal sounds or the possibility of high excitement to run after a squirrel he will never catch).  He always seems to bring a smile to my face. I recalled a bible verse, “all good things come from above” (James 1:17) that gave comfort. Then it started to snow and it reminded me of a story about Louie Armstrong, arguably the greatest jazz trumpet player ever. He was in between sets playing and had been feeling down, sensing that he was stuck and couldn't seem to create new music, which he is so well known for. Then as he gazed out the window as large snowflakes started to fall and he reached out and examined one, then another and looked intently at the unique designs of each. Not one is like the other and as he gazed up and saw hundreds more falling his thoughts changed towards thankfulness for the realization of the limits he placed on himself. He performed with the passion he so often was noted for and was re-energized. As I sat down and began adding to my list numerous thoughts flowed readily onto to the paper and quickly surpassed my initial, rather surface thoughts on what I am thankful for.

What I found out in the upcoming days and weeks afterwards while I was still actively adding to my list—I found that I was happier, challenges weren't as difficult and I was more enjoyable to be around. I had more energy, slept better and was more curious about the new things I would learn and started to dream about the future ahead of me. So I try to challenge others to be thankful in all things for when we truly thankful we shift from a me focus to a larger perspective of our life.

Blessings to all this Thanksgiving,
David Sliefert, MA, LPC

Professional Counselor

'via Blog this'

Thanksgiving

In his book "One Way Love," Tullian Tchividjian writes, "A grateful heart is a generous heart, and a generous heart is a liberated heart." Gratitude is where we start to have perspective in our lives and remind ourselves of the positive things that we can be thankful. In 2011, The New York Times published an article stating that feelings of gratitude have "been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety and depression, higher long-term satisfaction with life and kinder behavior toward others, including romantic partners." Dr. Michael McCullough, a psychologist from the University of Miami is quoted as saying, "More than any other emotion, gratitude is the emotion of friendship."

As you focus on preparations for the Thanksgiving meal and time with family that may or may not be pleasant, keep in mind the things you can be thankful. Your gratitude for those things will help you with perspective for those other stressors in your life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rick Jass, MA, LPC
Professional Counselor/ Life Coach

'via Blog this'

Vision

A few weeks ago I was driving to a concert in Madison, WI (a 2 hour drive from my home) with 7 high school students in a Suburban. In Wisconsin the weather can change quickly and as I left home there was a light wintery mix. The closer we came to Madison, however, the weather worsened and became a winter storm. We enjoyed the concert and then started the journey home. The 8 of us left the concert at 11:00 PM. The snow had accumulated to 6 inches, the roads were snow covered and slippery, often only one lane. As I slowly made my way home in these treacherous conditions, I was reminded of the importance of vision.

The first part of my vision was to know where I was headed- Home. But this only helps me in my long term goal. Most of my vision was focused on the road in front of me. I couldn't keep my sights on home the whole time, that was too far away. But it gave me hope, too, because if I thought I was driving in that snow storm forever, it would have changed my perspective in a negative way. I knew that if I kept moving in the right direction and focused on the challenges directly in front of me that I would make it. Only once in a while would I need to look in the rear view mirror to briefly check behind me and reflect on the progress I was making. Eventually, over 3 hours later, we made it safely home.

Life can be like this. We, first of all, need vision in where we are going. This gives us the direction we need and it gives us the goal that we need to continue. We have lots of challenges in front of us and overcoming each challenge as it comes is our immediate focus. Sometimes we want to spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror; regretting our past or over focusing on it. Reflecting on where we have been can be helpful to encourage us as to how far we've come, but we have to look out the windshield of our life far more than the rear view mirror.

The apostle Paul says it this way in the book of Philippians (3:13-14) "...but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

The vision that we have day to day, can make a huge difference on the progress we make. Where is your vision today?

Rick Jass, MA, LPC
Professional Counselor
Charis Counseling, LLC