It's February and you know what that means?
Not only are you probably thoroughly sick of winter, but the gym has fewer people using their memberships, you still haven't finished the book you started, you haven't lost any weight, your relationships are still struggling and any goals you set for yourself on January 1st have gone by the wayside.
It happens every year. Millions of people make New Year's Resolutions and only a minority of those millions ever follow through with them. It's frustrating, discouraging and leads to either self-loathing or apathy. Why does this happen and what can you do about it? One option that I've heard is to not set any goals. This would solve the problem of not reaching the goal, but doesn't seem to bode well for improvement. There is another option and it is more hopeful. Set a different kind of goal that keeps you motivated because it is attainable every day. The kind of goal that usually fails is focused on the future and a result that one hopes to achieve. "I want to lose 20 pounds." "I want to get in shape." "I want to work on my relationship with my wife." "I want to get along better with my kids." All of these goals are excellent ideas and give us a long-range vision of what we'd like to accomplish. However, they fall short because we have no idea how attain them. This is where Action Goals change your focus. Shane Murphy is a sports psychologist who works with Olympic athletes. In his book, The Achievement Zone, writes "There are some big differences between action goals and result goals. They make us look at our world differently. Action goals energize us. Result goals worry us." The first step in creating action goals is to start with the result goal and then work backwards from there. Ask yourself the question, "What do I need to do each day and is in my control in order to achieve that goal. Action goals are specific and are able to be measured on a daily or weekly basis. For example, if my goal is to improve my relationship with my spouse, my action goals might look like the following:
1. Read one chapter in a marriage book 2 times per week. ("Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman are two good ones.)
2. Spend 20 minutes per day in conflict-free conversation with my spouse.
3. Go on at least a 2 hour date once per week. (This doesn't have to cost money. It could be going for a walk and having uninterrupted time together.)
4. Tell my spouse at least one thing I appreciate about him/her each day.
5. Do one random act of kindness for my spouse each day.
Each one of these action goals are specific, concrete and you either check them off as completed or you don't. Picture a small check box beside each item. The reason that the box is small is because there is no room for excuses of why you didn't do it. "I didn't have time" "I was tired" "I forgot" don't fit in the box. You either did or didn't. Yes or No. Done or not done. As the weeks go by and you check off the box, you will evaluate your relationship and realize that your marriage is improving. If you miss a day, don't give up, beat yourself up or make excuses, simply do it the next day. At the end of the month when there are more checks than not, you will still be doing what needs to be done to improve the relationship. Many people will miss a day or two and then give up and before long they haven't been to the gym in a month, they haven't invested in their family relationships and things are staying the same. Which is not where you want to be.
It's February and you know what that means?
Set some action goals. Be specific. Check the box and get on track for reaching your goals!
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